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A buyer’s guide to avoiding bad Waakye

Because BAD Waakye is a SIN!!! (Ferviddy.com)

Are you a frequent Waakye consumer like my dear friend Ato Ulzen-Appiah? Do you believe the eternal quote by Lord Listowell; “Waakye eaten in the morning, afternoon and evening is a sure way to gain entry into everlasting bliss”? Then this list is for you.

Waakye is the BEST FOOD right after Jollof, but getting the correct Waakye every time is a hustle. But trust us to have a laid down convention for you to follow to get it right every single time.

1. First as you approach the Waakye stand, are there people queuing to buy?

No? Tread cautiously.

2. And if there are people buying, are they mostly kids who don’t have much of a taste bud?

Yes? Tread cautiously.

3. Is she in a very secluded area, where she still has little or no customers?

Yes? Tread cautiously(on the other hand if it is in a secluded area where there are lots of customers, sister join that queue before the Waakye finishes)

4. Is she in a public place (say by a street) and still has no customers?

Reduce the speed in your steps and be vigilant

5. Are her surroundings neat?

No? For the faint of heart I suggest you abort mission. For the dare devils, tread cautiously and look out for danger signs.

6. As you get there look at the quantity of food she has left as at 11:17am.

https://twitter.com/Derrick_IDGAF_/statuses/515837474095267840

If she has enough to keep her there for an hour or two, that’s danger sign number 1 especially if they are kept in small containers. Why are they not empty as at then?

7. As you’re buying ask her for the least quantity she sells.

https://twitter.com/negri2d/statuses/648451632041230336

(As regular buyers you’ll know how 2 cedis worth of Waakye should look. If her 2 cedis worth will be that of 4 cedis elsewhere, the danger lights should be flashing pretty steadily by now)

8. How often she gets customers?

https://twitter.com/wofa_slayzie/statuses/679559552875032576

…if none at all, you should be backing away slowly

9. Is she very slow(like she has all day)and unprepared(can’t find the plastic spoons that go with the packs in which she sells the food)?

https://twitter.com/boymaison/statuses/637214915082743809

Look for the nearest exits

10. Is she very eager to give you bonuses(or as we will say “ntosuo”) in everything you buy? And selling big pieces of meat and fish very cheap??

RUN, baby,RUN!

11. Does she strike an awkward conversation with you about how well she’s treating you and that she hopes to see you frequently?

You don’t need to be Usain Bolt to start this race, RUN!

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